You've Got it Made
by lovelovelove198090
Summary: Ashley Ryan, Jake's little sister, is harboring a mother of a crush on Farmer Ted. Only two things are holding her back: her fear of rejection and of course, Samantha Baker. Ashley thinks Sam has it made. Boy does she have a lot to learn.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

A Letter to Farmer Ted

Dearest Ted,

I love you. I love the slope of your neck, your Adam's apple. I love your deep blue eyes. They're like oceans I could swim in forever. I want you, Ted. I need you. Most guys, they just turn me on. But when I look at you, my heart swells. My love burns for you with the intensity of a thousand white-hot suns. Your soft lips! Your warm arms! I pine! I perish! I've loved you from afar since the night after sixth grade graduation. It was Seven Minutes in Heaven. "Endless Love" played. You spun me with the bottle. We were in the closet, and you kissed me. You held me and brushed the hair out of my face. I really was in heaven. Every time I see you, I think, "Be still my heart!" You had a pimple on your chin last week. I would take that pimple on a Roman holiday if I had enough birthday money saved up. You are a sex god, even if you are a virgin. In my dreams, though, you aren't and neither am I. I love how you smell, like soap and fabric softener. I wish I knew if you feel the same way about me that I do about you. We still talk all the time. I don't know if we're acquaintances, friends, or actually flirting. A sign that you might love me back makes my day. An embarrassing moment in front of you, and I'm cringing and red faced for a week. When you might like someone else, I'm devastated. Am I nuts? Probably. But only over you. I adore you, I want you, I ache for you, I worship you. Every thing you do is beautiful, and I wish sometimes that life could be like my dreams, and it would be just you and me. I want you to hold me. I want to feel you. You are my everything. I may have set feminism back about thirty years, but I don't care. You amaze me more and more every day. If I could have you profess your love right before I died, I'd die happy. You make me feel my heart racing, butterflies, warmth. Like I could float on air. You're immaculate, all of my love, The girl you left in seventh heaven

Ashley sighed and sprayed her letter with Love's Baby Soft. Both of her friends, Amber and Torrance, rolled their eyes and groaned. They were hanging out in Ashley's room after school as usual. "Oh my god, Ashley," Amber said. "Every four months with this. It's worse than this neck brace, and this neck brace kills." Ashley sighed. "What's wrong with it? It's the deepest depths of the eternal pool of my soul." "Oh, Goddess, Ash," Torrance moaned. "You've only managed to set back feminism by at least thirty years before. Not to mention, it's so cliché, a love letter." "Thanks a lot, Ashley," Amber said. "Now you've made Torrance get up on her soapbox." "Torrance, I love him," Ashley said dreamily. Torrance rolled her eyes. "Now if he wrote you a letter back, it would be something I could get behind. Not that he'll have a chance." "He'd better this time. I'm not dealing with this again," Amber said. "Every four months since the beginning of seventh grade, you've written some flowery-ass letter to Ted, and then you chicken out. You leave it at home, or tear it up, or throw it out. If you don't give it to him, I'll throttle you." "I don't know what to do, guys," Ashley said. "I love him so much...it's killing me inside more and more everyday."

"Then GIVE HIM THE GODDAMN LETTER," Amber shouted, frustrated. "I can't. If he didn't feel the same way... I don't know." "God, Ash," Amber said. "You're out of his league. He'd be thrilled if he found out you had a crush on him." "How I'm out of his league?" "Gee, let's see, you're blonde, you're a cheerleader, you have boobs, you're rich, you're perky, at least at school, and here's the best part: you're Jake Ryan, the king of Shermer High's little sister, for Christ's sake!" "I still don't get why that's such a big deal," Ashley said. "Here's a hint," Torrance said. "He's Jake friggin' Ryan! I have a crush on him, and I think I'm a lesbian, for Goddess' sake!" "Torrance, name one girl you've had a crush on," Amber said. "Uh, I don't know, Christie Brinkley, I guess." "You're not a lesbian, you just hate guys." Torrance rolled her eyes and ran her fingers through her cropped brown hair. "I'll figure it out in college." The other two just rolled their eyes. "I want him so bad," Ashley said, filled with emotion and teen angst as usual. "He's a dork," Torrance said. I don't get what you see in him. It's not like he's an undercover male model or something." "He could be." Amber and Torrance began convulsing with laughter. "Maybe for Underoos," Amber said between laughs. "Are you guys done," Ashley asked. "Not yet," Torrance cackled. "Give us five, ten minutes tops." Ashley rolled her eyes. "I just knew you guys wouldn't understand, from the day we kissed."

"Ash," Amber said, slowly calming down. "For the love of God, he's Farmer Ted. I mean, what he tries to cop a feel? What would you do?" Ashley sighed. "I might let him." "OK, that's it," Torrance said. "You've officially disgusted me. I can't even imagine how gross this letter must be if you won't even let your best friends see it. I'm going home." "Ditto," Amber chimed in. "We'll see you tomorrow at school, by Torrance's locker, right?" Ashley nodded. "When have I not been there? It's in the prime location for me to get to first period." "And the prime position for you to see Ted, since his locker is right next to mine," Torrance said, swooning to tease Ashley. Ashley smiled. "See you guys tomorrow."

She packed the letter in her backpack. Ashley couldn't believe she did it. She didn't know why she brought it. She wore scrunch socks, a leather pleated miniskirt, white tank top, and a black sweater tied around her shoulders. She saw this outfit on Brooke Shields before, and hoped she could pull it off. She dropped by Torrance's locker. "Hey, Tor," she said. "So, did you rip up the letter that even your bosom buddies couldn't read," Amber asked. "No, I brought to school," Ashley whispered, taking out the letter. Torrance snatched it away and browsed the letter. She laughed out loud at it, until she was done reading.

"Dear Penthouse, I never believed this would happen to me, but the hottest girl in my class is totally warm for my form. She wrote all about it in this semi-creepy secret admirer letter. Isn't that rad?" Ashley laughed a little nervously. "He's coming," she hissed. "Laugh like I said something hilarious." Torrance rolled her eyes in response. "Oh God, Ashley," Amber whispered. "He's only five feet away now." She fanned herself dramatically and Torrance joined in. "Guys, what if he sees us?" "Then we'll say we're hot," Amber said. "He's only four feet away now." "Quick, check my breath," Ashley asked. Torrance rolled her eyes. "OK, breath on me." Ashley quickly blew her breath in Torrance's face. "Minty fresh." "How about my pits?" "Ewww," Torrance said. "No one is putting their face in your armpit, Ashley. You don't smell, okay? And there's nothing in your teeth or on your clothes."

"Two feet," Amber trilled. Ashley fixed herself up in Torrance's locker mirror, putting on some concealer, blush and mascara. Amber took the letter quietly, and slid it in Ted's locker. Ashley saw her through the mirror. "Holy shit, Amber, what'd you do that for," she screeched. "Somebody had to," Torrance pointed out. "I was going to throw that out," she moaned. "So it's a good thing I did it." "Yeah, Ash," Torrance said. "Now you can stop angsting." "No, because now you've probably ruined my chance with the greatest guy in the world. Thanks a load, pals." Ashley slammed herself into a locker and slid downwards just as Ted approached. "Uh, hello, down there," he said. "Could you please, uh, move over a little." And that was when Ashley realized, just when things couldn't get any more frantic and horrible, that she'd just been caught slinking down to the object of her affection's locker. _Shit._


	2. Love Hurts

Ashley did the only thing she could do. She stood up and tried to smile casually, and hope she wasn't grimacing. "Hi, Ted," she said. "How's it going?" He shrugged. "It's going well so far." "You know, I was wondering, are you gonna go to the dance tonight?" "I don't know. Are you?" "Yeah. You should come." "Uh-huh. So, why did you slide down my locker?" Ashley blushed. "It's complicated."

He just shrugged again and grabbed his books with the letter mixed in. "I could just about kill you, Amber," Ashley groaned. "Well, it's not like you signed your name." "No, I just gave him a huge hint. What if he remembers that he spun me in sixth grade?"

"He might not," Torrance offered as they walked to gym class. "That would be even worse. I mean, that would mean I was an unmemorable kisser," Ashley said, turning towards her and bumping into an older girl, a redhead. "Sorry," she said, as the girl frowned. "Whatever," the redhead muttered, walking away.

"Who was that," Ashley asked aloud. "Samantha Baker," Amber said. "She's a sophomore. We ride the same bus home." "Does she always look so pissed?" "I haven't noticed." Ashley spent the rest of the day on auto-pilot, right through cheerleading practice. After practice, she raced home to wait for her friends.

Torrance showed up first. "Every ninth grade boy is a pervert, and I don't know how you could see anything in one of them." Ashley made a face. "What else is new, Torrance?" "Did you even see what was going in biology today?" "No, I was too busy freaking out about the letter. Do you realize how disgusting it was? I didn't even think about that part. I don't always think that way. I must have been insane. I knew I had to threw it out. By tonight, he'll think I'm some kind wannabe romance novelist." "No," Torrance said. "He'll just realize you're nuts." Ashley rolled over and screamed into a pillow. Torrance flopped down next to her.

"Anyway," she said. "Do you want to hear about what happened in bio or not? It involves your beloved." "Fine. I might as well, before I can't be in biology because he gets a restraining order." Torrance rolled her eyes. "You are so melodramatic, Ashley. Anyway, you know Jamie Faber? The one with the Flock of Seagulls haircut?" "Yeah," Ashley said, rolling over and sitting upright. "He was using one of the microscope lenses and a mirror to look up all the girls' skirts. He even wrote down what color or pattern underwear girls had on." "Ewww," Ashley squealed. "Did he get mine?" "Yes." "I have to agree: Jamie Faber's disgusting. I heard he tried to sneak into the girls' locker room last month." "Anyway, I don't think Farmer Ted saw the letter. He kept looking at your legs in class." Ashley perked up. "Really?" "Yup. Now you guys can go out, seeing as how you're both deeply disturbed. And I'm going to have to kick Eric Feldman's ass soon. He and his stupid friends kept passing notes trying to guess my bra size."

Ashley wrinkled her nose a little. "That's dumb. It's not Jamie bad though. I should have worn jeans today." Amber opened the door. "Ashley, I have bad news." She sighed. "He found it, didn't he?" "I don't know if he read the letter. But do you remember Samantha Baker?" "Yeah." "Ted...Ted hit on Sam on the bus today." Ashley flopped back down. "I could just about kill myself." "You don't mean that," Torrance said, rolling her eyes and lying next to her. "You're right, Torrance. I could just about kill Sam Baker and Ted. I'd like to see the two lovebirds go flying with a car into a dark abyss and bursting in flames as they fall. And Sam would live through the whole painful death." Amber laughed nervously. "Well, uh, to be fair, I don't think Sam really likes Ted."

Ashley sat up and screeched, "Is she _blind_?! That bitch! She steals the heart of the love of my life, and she doesn't even want it? I really could just about kill her. I could push her off the roof of the school, swear to God!" Ashley threw a pillow at the wall. "I'm going to get a pint of ice cream, the rest of my Dad's birthday cake, some candy bars, chips, and two Klondike bars. What do you guys want?" "God, Ash," Amber said. Ashley took a deep breath. "I'm a little depressed, ok? I've lost him! Aren't I allowed to be A LITTLE DEPRESSED?!" "Well, I mean, you've never had him," Torrance pointed out. Ashley sighed. "I know. That's why it hurts." She went downstairs, walking through the living room, to the kitchen, past Jake. "Hey, Ash," Jake called. She turned around. "Yeah?" "Do you know anything about Samantha Baker?" Ashley narrowed her eyes. "I do. I know she's a home-wrecking man-stealing skank, who takes guys away before you can even get them!" Jake raised his eyebrows. "_And she doesn't even want him_," Ashley bawled as she gathered up everything she needed for a food coma and walked back upstairs. "OK, then," Jake muttered to himself. "That was strange."

As soon as she got upstairs, Ashley started pigging out. "Are you still going to the dance tonight," Torrance asked. "Yeah," Ashley said. "Because Ted might come, and maybe I can steal him back. And if I can't, well I'll just have to try to move on...somehow." The "somehow" forced Amber and Torrance to roll their eyes. "Guys," Ashley moaned. "It's been three years, ok? It's going to be really hard. I might spend all summer watching Love Story and Endless Love on repeat." Ashley stood up and sighed again. "Do you guys want to get ready together or do you want to meet up at Torrance's and walk to the dance?" "We can meet at my place," Torrance said. "You seem like you need some time alone." Ashley nodded as her friends left. She shifted through her wardrobe, finding a white lacy knee-length halter dress with a wide skirt. She teased her blonde bangs upward and outward, and permed the rest of her bob, leaving her with a Madonna-esque look. She covered her doe eyes with eyeliner and mascara. She looked in the mirror and blew herself a kiss. She rushed out of the house, hoping her parents or Jake didn't notice how she looked, before remember her parents were out of town and Jake already left. She walked the three blocks to Torrance's house, meeting up with her friends. Amber wolf-whistled. "Man, Ashley, where did you find that dress?" Ashley smirked. "I found the top half at Filene's and the bottom half at the local bridal store." "You made that?" Ashley smiled. "Yeah." As they walked to the dance, she silently making a wish on a star. _Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, lose my virginity to Ted tonight_!


	3. The Red Shoe Diaries

The dance seemed enchanted, but not in a good way. It felt strange being there, searching for Ted. Ashley felt pessimistic about what was going to happen. _Am I some kind of masochist_, Ashley thought. _He probably can smell how desperate I am. And I look like a clown. Oh my God, what if he thinks I'm wearing a wedding dress? No, it's got a halter neck. They don't have halter wedding dresses. Do they? No, they don't. And besides, the letter's going to be the last nail in the coffin, not the dress. Oh God, there he is_. And there he was. Torrance punched Ashley in the arm.

"Go talk to him," she hissed. "Get it over with."

Ashley punched her back.

"If he thinks you're psychopathic, it's no big. He might be into that!"

Ashley rolled her eyes.

"I really like him, you guys. I like him more than that guy, Derek, I let get to second base, last summer when I was trying to get over liking him. And Derek was really hot. I think I might be in love."

Amber and Torrance rolled their eyes.

"I think I need to wait or something," Ashley said. "You know, I can't make it happen. He has know somehow, but it can't be because of me."

"Oh my god," Amber said. "Just do something!" A slow song started, "True" by Spandau Ballet.

"It's a slow song," Torrance whispered. "Just do it."

Ashley took a deep breath and almost walked over there before turning back to her friends.

"What if he's thinking about Sam?"

"Just do it!" Ashley finally got over to where Ted was.

"Hi, Ted," she said. He turned away from his friends, Cliff and Bryce.

"Oh, hi, Ashley."

Cliff snickered a little and nudged Ted, while Bryce just gawked at her. Ashley looked down at her shoes. "Guys, stop acting stupid," Ted muttered.

Ashley swallowed. "Uh, doyouwannadancewithme?"

Ted looked around for a second. "Yeah, sure, Ashley."

Ashley rested her hands on Ted's shoulders, and he put her hands on her waist. She hadn't realized how much taller he was then her before. He had at least three inches on her. They were just sort of moving for most of the song, before Ashley just had to know: "Uh, Ted?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you get anything strange today? In your locker? Like a letter?"

She cringed on the inside as Ted blushed. "Sort of. It-It's from Amber, isn't it? I saw her put it in my locker." _Hallelujah_!

"Do you like her," Ashley asked.

"Just as a friend. I didn't remember that was her in the closet, though. You wanna know something funny? I always thought that was, uh, you in there." Ashley smirked a little, looking down.

"Yeah, that's funny." She started unconsciously sniffing his neck.

"What are doing, Ashley," Ted asked, feeling her head rubbing against him.

"I love your aftershave," Ashley said breathily. She blushed, aware of what she had just said. Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be, Ted didn't notice what Ashley said, because Sam arrived. Ashley sighed. _You're gonna regret_ _this..._

"Go to her, Ted," Ashley said dramatically.

"Huh?" Ashley took a deep breath.

"Go to Sam."

"OK," he said, practically rushing over to her. She watched him dancing, or better said, attempting to dance but kind of having a seizure. Ashley laughed sadly, and watched Sam walk away. _What a snob_, she thought. _Although I almost can't blame her. If I didn't have a crush on him, I would have walked away too._ Amber tapped her shoulder.

"Come get a drink of water with me, Ashley." Ashley followed Amber into the hallway.

"Uh, Amber, I have to tell you something, but you have to promise not to throttle me, alright?" Amber looked curiously at Ashley.

"Ash, what are you talking about?"

"Ted saw you put the letter in my locker."

"And he read it? And he knows it's from you, right?"

"Not exactly. He kind of, uh, thinksyouwroteit."

Amber smiled, to Ashley's surprise. "I'm not going to throttle you, Ashley. I am going to murder you as soon as we leave, I promise you!"

Amber rolled her eyes. "Why couldn't you stalk Matt Dillon instead?"

Ashley saw Sam leaned against a locker. She plopped down next to her. Sam looked up from her lap, and Ashley saw she'd been crying.

"I-I know he's a year younger, but, uh, Ted's really nice. And I don't really know why you're sad. But you know, I shouldn't say anything. But maybe I can help you. But I probably can't. But maybe I can, you know?"

"I can't talk to you about it. It's about your brother."

"Jake? Why does everyone like him so much anyway? He leaves hair in the shower, his room smells like armpits, his friends are a collection of dickheads and retards, his girlfriend's a brat, he won't let me come to his parties, even though it's my house too, and up until junior high school, he still picked his nose. He's an ass."

Sam stared at her. "See? You don't get it; you're his sister. But you're funny."

Ashley smiled. "You know, even though Ted always dicking around, he really likes you."

Sam rolled her eyes. "I know you like him, Ashley. Everyone who isn't a senior knows, except for Ted."

"How?" "You're really obvious, Ashley. I mean, at first I assumed you were. A nympho, and you'd probably think Tattoo from Fantasy Island was cute, but then I realized he was the only guy you had a crush on."

She felt her neck start to turn red.

"You're gonna be OK, right? I mean, do you feel like going back to the dance?"

"Not right now. You know it's more than just your brother. My whole family forgot my birthday."

"Oh. How old are you?"

"Sixteen."

"Man. I thought it was bad when my parents got me and Jake mixed up, and gave me an eighteenth birthday party for my fifteenth. I at least got wine. I mean, you got nothing. That- I can't even imagine that."

Sam nodded. "That really sucks."

Amber gestured to Ashley. "That's my friend," Ashley said. "I'd better go; I owe her one. Are you gonna be ok?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah."

Ashley went back into the dance and met up with her friends. Torrance shook her head, giggling. "I would drown you if you made Farmer Ted think I wash hot for 'im." Ashley rolled her eyes.

"It's not that bad, Amber; he doesn't even like you that way."

"That's very reassurin'."

Ashley squinted. "Are you guys smashed?"

Amber nodded, smirking. Ashley rolled her eyes again. "I really hope you guys don't make asses out of yourself."

"You're an ass," Torrance slurred. "Go shuck face with your boyfriend."

Ashley plopped next to them by the punchbowl. Amber looked at her chest.

"Ash, I think your tits grew. They're like, E cups."

"They're B cups Amber. Why are we talking about my boobs?"

"Sentence variety?" Ashley laid back in her chair.

"Do you think I'm an ass, you guys?"

"Yeah," Torrance said. "But not the Caroline kind of ass. More like the angry punk rock wannabe lonely kind of ass."

"Except you're more whiny," Amber interjected.

"Yeah. Except when you're happy," Torrance added. "Then you're the Caroline kind of ass except when you're being smart."

Ashley rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the analysis, guys. Why don't we just head back to my place? Jake's having a party."

"Alright," they both shouted.

"Shut up," Ashley snapped. "Or we'll all get locked in my room again."

"Relax," Amber said. "Get a little tipsy; it won't kill you."

Amber beckoned to the sophomore with the flask and he poured some beer into Ashley's punch glass. She drank it up in three huge gulps. They walked into the hallway and as they walked out of school they passed Ted, who had panties visibly hanging out of the back of his pants. Amber snatched them up.

"Whosh 'er theshe?" Ashley leaned her arm on Ted.

"Yeah, come on tell us," Ashley urged. "Amber and Torrance aren't gonna remember anyway."

"What makesh you shay that?"

"Yer sloshed that's what." Ashley turned to Ted.

"I'm sloshed too but only a little cause I can still talk. You see?"

Ted shrugged, blushing a little. "They're not really anybody's. You're not really going to remember this are you?"

"I don' know."

"They're Sam Baker's. But you know, you're real quiet, and we're friends, so I can tell you a secret."

Ted leaned in to whisper in Ashley's ear.

"We didn't really have sex. Sam just gave me her underwear for a bet." Ashley laughed uproariously.

"Oh, god, that's a riot. You know, I have a secret too."

Ashley leaned in and. stage-whispered, "Amber didn't write that letter, I did."

Amber and Torrance started cackling like hyenas as they dragged her away. But Ashley had yet to do the stupidest thing. She took off her shoe and threw it at Ted. Amber and Torrance lost it as they all began running out of the school and down the steps.

"You're cracked, Ashley," Amber said between laughs. "What the hell did you do that for?" Ashley threw her hands up.

"Tonight, anything goes," she shouted, giggling.


	4. Riding Cars with Boys

"I am so stupid," Ashley moaned.

Amber responded by heaving and puking in the bathroom. "It wasn't that bad," Torrance said. "It's not like you puked on him or punched him in the head."

"No, I just threw a high heel at him."

"Well, I mean, it's not like he didn't know you were drunk."

"Oh, that's comforting. And now he knows the other thing too, right?"

"Yeah."

"Great, that's just great."

"Well, what do you want to do about it?"

"Dive off the Sears Tower, maybe, if I'm lucky, into George Michael's waiting arms, just to make him jealous."

"Well now you have an excuse to talk to him. You know, to ask for your shoe back."

Ashley sighed. "I've officially blown it."

She turned on her record player and "Love Hurts" by Nazareth and the Munich Philharmonic played. "It's beautiful, isn't it? The song I mean." Ashley was talking to herself, which caused Torrance to furrow her eyebrows.

"You're not still depressed, are you," Amber asked, leaving the bathroom. "Because I, for one, would like to party."

"Go, then. I'll come down in a second." Torrance and Amber left, but Amber turned back around.

"You're not going to kill yourself or some dumb shit, are you?"

"You're not going to die of alcohol poisoning, are you," Ashley snapped back.

"Even if you don't come downstairs, if I don't hear you dancing upstairs, I'm getting your brother, Ashley, swear to God."

Ashley nodded. "Affirmative."

Amber rolled her eyes, smiling. "See ya downstairs?"

"Probably not." Amber shook her head and went downstairs.

Ashley switched out the Nazareth album for her mix tape, and started dancing to "Johnny, Are You Queer?" Somehow, changing the lyrics to "Teddy, Are You Queer?" helped slightly.

Eventually, she changed out her dress into some more casual party clothes: a pink Camp Beverly Hills sleeveless dress over a gray sweatshirt with the sleeves rolled up. She went downstairs danced with tons of guys, for what felt like hours on end. None of them really caught her eye, except for Ferris, a sophomore with brown hair and big brown eyes.

"You know, play your cards right, and you could be my date to junior prom next year."

Ferris kind of had a big head, but she could tell he was kidding around. Ashley giggled in response. "If you ask nicely, I might be willing to change my schedule," she said.

Ferris kept smirking as he told her, "You're kind of cute for a freshman."

Ashley was desperate to forget Ted, so she replied with "You wanna go make out in my parents' wine cellar?"

He almost lost his cool, but then shrugged. "Yeah, sure, Ashley," he said.

They practically raced down the steps and immediately started making out. Ferris slid his hand up Ashley's dress and rubbed her upper thigh, still kissing her neck. His hands traveled all around her body. Ashley didn't protest, and she wasn't uncomfortable, but she really wished it was Ted. _Powers that be_, Ashley thought. _Give me a sign about what I should do_.

Just then, one of Jake's weights fell into the cellar knocking over all the cabinets. Ferris and Ashley jumped out of the way just in time, running back up the steps.

"Ohmigod, you were down there," Torrance squealed, as she and Amber rushed over.

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah," Ashley said. "I'm fine." Ferris nodded."Yeah, it's cool."

Amber nodded towards Ferris.

"Are you guys like dating now?" Ashley shook her head. "What," Ferris said, surprised but not upset. "I thought we could hang some more. We don't have to date or anything."

Ashley sighed, rubbing her forehead and nudged Ferris towards a brunette girl in her English class, Sloane

"Ferris, meet my friend Sloane Peterson. I think you would like her." Ashley gave them a thumbs up as the trio rushed off to Ashley's room as Ferris and Sloane stared at each other.

"He was cute; why'd you shove him off," Amber chided.

"Because he was controlling," Torrance said. "I saw how he lead you around." Ashley rolled her eyes.

"It's because I love Ted, OK?"

Amber's eyes popped out of her head. "I just remembered! Ted was here! He was looking for you and told me to tell you he had your shoe."

Ashley squealed. "OHMIGOD OHMIGOD OHMIGOD! Where is he?"

"I don't know; I think after he couldn't find you, he and his friends went home." Ashley playfully slapped Amber's shoulder.

"You should have made me come downstairs."

"We thought you might be too embarrassed," Torrance pointed out.

"Did he say anything else?"

"Yeah," Amber said. "He asked if you were really dating Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties like some of the junior varsity cheerleaders were saying. It was this rumor they started because Jamie Faber's been saying he thinks you're a lesbian, since you won't go out with him."

"Oh, yeah, that whole stupid thing," Ashley said, rolling her eyes. "So what did you tell him?"

"I told him you weren't dating the guy from Family Ties, duh! But I didn't say anything about the lesbian thing because he should know you aren't one because he knows you like him."

"Did he say anything about that?"

"Not really. He did say that he thought you looked really pretty tonight though, and that it was really nice of you to ask him to dance."

Ashley squealed into her hands. "Was that all?"

"Yeah. He kept the shoe though. He might still have it, but some seniors snatched him off, so we can't be sure."

Ashley smiled like a dope. "What are you thinking about, Ashley," Amber asked.

"I touched him tonight. I was so close I could smell his aftershave."

She looked her two friends. "Do you think he wanted to kiss me?"

"Probably not at first, since he was all into Sam Baker," Torrance said. "But maybe he almost did before you threw your shoe at him."

"Do you think he still does?"

Torrance sighed. "Ashley, I think it's time that you, me, and Amber all sit down and have a talk about the real reason we think it's stupid how you act about Ted."

"Why?"

"Because, Ash, you aren't the most popular girl in ninth grade, but you're probably the hottest."

"Amber, what are you talking about?"

"Ashley, it's not normal to get asked out twice a week by a different guy every time. But you're stuck in a mental rut. You still think of yourself the way you did in sixth grade, when you had braces, glasses, no chest, and bad acne. And back then, Ted still thought you were cute and that really impressed you. And then, in seventh grade, you came back looking, well, like you do now, and a lot of guys either started asking you out, or decided you were too good for them. Well either that, or they're snobs who think you're dumb just because you barely passing bio or algebra, and you're not really intellectual. And Ted was in the second category, sort of."

"What about Sam Baker," Ashley pointed out. "Not only was she out of his league, she's a sophomore!"

"Well," Torrance pointed out. "He's a guy. Logic doesn't work with guys."

"So you guys think he really likes me?"

"Duh, " Amber said. "That's only what we've been saying all night."

"But, I mean, what could he see in me?"

"What do you see in him," Torrance retorted.

"He's tall, he has killer blue eyes, a great smile, he's smart, and funny, and sweet, and he smells good."

Torrance rolled her eyes. "He smells like Aqua Velve, he's a pervert, and a dweeb, he has braces, and he's only tall compared to you, since you're, like, five one."

"He's not that bad," Amber interjected. "She's just being hard on him since she hates freshman guys."

Torrance rolled her eyes. "You can date him if you want. But if you ditch us for him, both of you had better like sipping soup out of a straw."

Ashley smirked. "I wouldn't ditch you guys. You're the only ones who call me on my shit, but still put up with it.

"Good," Amber said. "Because I could probably take Ted in a fight, and I could definitely take you. You learned your lesson after that one fight in junior high."

Ashley rolled her eyes. And then she heard a very familiar voice come from downstairs: "Jake, would I dick you? Tell me what happens if I dick you."

"I kick your ass."

Ashley turned to her friends. "Ohmigod, he's down there! He's talking to my brother!"

"So," Torrance said. "Go down there."

"You think I should?"

"Duh," her friends said in unison.

"Besides," Amber said. "You have to be there. Otherwise Jake might say something that makes you look like an idiot."

"Ohmigod, what if he already did?"

"Just go down there! God," Torrance shouted. Ashley stood up and brushed off her skirt. "OK, I'm going for it."

She took a deep breath and walked out of her room and closed the door. She took another deep breath, turned around, and went back into her room. Amber had gone back to tossing her cookies after the second round of drinks, but Torrance was still pretty lucid.

"You're going to develop a defeatist attitude if you don't go down there," she said.

"I'm going to go psycho if he laughs in my face, so maybe that's for the best."

"He's not going to laugh in your face," Torrance said with a sigh. Then she smirked. "At least not in front of your brother."

"God, Torrance, do you have to say shit like that?"

"Just go down there," Amber quavered from the bathroom. "Or at least quit being so loud."

Ashley sighed. "OK, I'll go downstairs, but I can't make any promises."

She walked down the steps, listening to their conversation for somewhere she could jump in.

"I'll give you a deal ok? You give me these, and I'll let you drive Caroline home."

"Jake," she heard Ted say. "I don't have a car." She saw Jake give him the car keys.

"You can have mine."

"Jake, I don't have a license."

"I trust you." Ashley raced down the stairs and into the kitchen, her opportunity thrust at her.

"I can help him, Jake. I'll show him the way to Caroline's house."

"You're awake," Jake asked, surprised.

"Yeah, Jake, I'm not ten." She turned to Ted. "You want me to help you?"

She leaned back flirtatiously on the kitchen counter, accidentally knocking over a plastic mustard bottle. Her head turned slightly, but then she turned back to the guys.

"Yeah, sure," Ted said nervously, glancing at Jake. "Oh, here's your shoe."

"Why would he have your shoe," Jake asked gruffly, staring at Ted less admirably than before.

"Oh, nothing happened," Ted said, with his voice cracking. "She just threw it at me."

Jake made a confused face. "I was smashed," Ashley admitted. Jake rolled his eyes.

"I don't know if Mom and Dad would want you out this late," Jake grumbled.

"Mom and Dad wouldn't care."

Jake shrugged. "Fine, go with him. Be home by..." He checked his watch. "Three, considering it's already one in the morning."

Minutes later, Ashley smiled and strolled behind Ted, who was carrying Caroline, and Jake to the car, hopping into the front seat.

"I don't know if you're tall enough to sit shotgun," Jake commented. Ashley rolled her eyes.

"Jake, don't be such a dweeb; I'll be fine."

Jake shrugged. "Hey, whatever you say. But if I get a phone call saying a blonde five foot one one hundred pound girl flew through the windshield, I'm telling Mom and Dad exactly how things happened."

"So you're going to tell them about the party," Ashley snapped back with a smirk, calling his bluff. Jake shook his head and held his hands up in mercy. "Fine, just be home by three, alright?" Jake watched as Ted, Ashley and Caroline sped off into the distance. _God_, he thought to himself. _When since has Ashley liked boys? Or drank? Or went out past one in the morning? _He shrugged to himself. _Since tonight, I guess_.


End file.
